Breakups are never easy. Regardless of whether the split was amicable, or you feel like you had a lucky escape from your ex, it can be hard to know whether you are really in the right place to start dating again. January is the busiest month for online dating, with over 1 million dates between December 26th and February 14th. So much so that January is referred to ‘peak dating season’, but is it the right time for you to date again?
Five Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Date Again
Do I love who I am now?
After a breakup and before a new relationship, it is essential to love the person you are when you’re single. When you are used to having someone by your side, it can be difficult to get back to being the strong person you are when you’re on your own.
It can take time and patience to get to know and then love the real you. However, this step is essential. It is there to stop you rebounding from one relationship to the next and losing sight of yourself.
Do I know that I shouldn’t feel guilty?
After a breakup, a sense of guilt can occur. If you have children, you may feel guilty that you are taking away a form of stability. When you begin dating, you may feel guilty about going out and having fun without your kids. If your family loved your ex, then you may feel a pang of guilt when they ask after them.
Remember, it is normal to feel guilty, but guilt should not hold you back. It is important to remember that you deserve a life full of happiness. However guilty others make you feel, if they love you, they’ll want you to be happy again. They’ll want you to find companionship.
Can I think about relationships without thinking about my ex?
Occasionally, thinking about and talking about your ex is normal. However, when you still use your ex as a yardstick for future or potential relationships, this shows you may not be ready to date again. If you’re scrolling through dating profiles and thinking, “James would never do that…” or “Sophie would always…” then you haven’t let go of your past.
You mustn’t mix up memories with a perception of your ex. You can’t predict what someone will do in every situation. Moreover, you shouldn’t use your opinion of your ex to judge somebody new. You are only ready to date again when you can be fair and openminded about a prospective partner.
Can I trust again?
Can I trust again?
Whether they cheated, lied, broke promises or disappointed your perception of a relationship, every breakup can lead to a feeling of mistrust. It is important not to tarnish everyone with the same brush or to make yourself emotionally unavailable because of what has happened in the past. Of course, every breakup takes time to recover. However, there is no point rushing into a new relationship if you don’t believe you can trust them. If you feel that you need to have your guard up and hold back from a new love interest, you are probably not ready for dating.
Only when you can emotionally invest and can stop condemning ‘ALL men or ALL women cheat/lie/break your heart’ are you ready to date. If you can’t, take more time out for you.
Are people pushing me into this?
Only you will know when you are ready to date. People may push you into this, and they are only trying to help. Appreciate the fact that they care but do decline their offers to help until you are truly ready.
If you need more support after a breakup, then hypnotherapy can help. My relationship breakup therapy can help you to improve your self-esteem and regain your sense of power so that you feel that you can move on.